


Guide you Home

by NellDaie



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Absent Dad, Angst, F/M, Fluff, MC's name is Emma, Married Couple, Pregnancy, Time Skips, Twins, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-04 08:31:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11551428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NellDaie/pseuds/NellDaie
Summary: MC is named Emma in this~ Saeyoung leaves to take care of the last remnants of the agency before it can threaten his family. He promises he'll be back. She promises to wait forever, but how long can she wait? The RFA members grow concerned and divided over opinions on the matter.





	1. Chapter 1

"I can't believe you would leave!" Emma shouted, following her new husband as he stormed out of their room with his duffel bag. He plopped it on the ground, feeling annoyed, sad, anxious, angry and a hundred other emotions at the moment. He turned to look at her, her eyes big and shining like stars. Tears had already fallen and more were threatening to do so, tiny droplets clung to her eyelashes. But still, she tried her hardest to look resolute and pissed off. She was, of course, but she was scared more than anything else. He brought his hand to rest on her head, taking her in his arms like he had done so many times before. He fought back his own tears as he tried to find the words that could make her understand. 

"I have to...that letter we got means that they know we're here and they're pissed. They'll find us, no matter where we run to, no matter who we try to be..."he stroked her soft brunette hair, running his fingers idly through the strands. "It's a trap...."her muffled voice squeaked into his sweatshirt that was now growing moist with the tears she had tried in vain to hold back. He smiled grimly, refusing to let her go. He wouldn't see her cry- he couldn't. "I know. But I promise. I'll come back to you. I'll always come back...even if it takes me a hundred years." She wouldn't nod, but she stepped back and picked up the duffel bag, thrusting it at him. "I'll never forgive you if you don't." Her tears were dried now and she looked more like the strong woman that he had grown to love so dearly. They shared one more kiss before he forced himself out the door. 

It was evening, and the gentle early Fall breeze lifted Saeyoung's spirits for just a moment. The duffel bag was situated on his shoulder, and he started towards the street before stopping as a familiar figure stood a few feet down. Saeran was walking back from his job at Jaehee's coffee shop- still wearing his black slacks and prim white dress shirt. They both stopped and stared for a moment- feeling like they were both looking at alternate reality versions of themselves. Saeran's eyes traveled down to the duffel bag and immediately snapped back up to his brother's face.

"You're leaving." He said simply. Saeyoung nodded. Saeran held back as much as he could, jolting himself forward past his brother. A hand on his shoulder stopped him for a moment, but he jerked away angrily. "Don't touch me, you son of a bitch!" He whipped around and stared into Saeyoung's bright yellow orbs. His own, still colored green from the contacts, held that betrayed look that the slightly older twin hoped to never see again. He bit his lip. "Saeran...please...take care of Emma. If I don't come back..." He was going to say more, but was suddenly lifted onto his toes, his face inches away from Saeran's. "I'll take care of her, alright. If you don't come back, I'm going to make love to her every single night and I'm going to find you- wherever you are- and bring you back so you can watch, you piece of shit..." the hands holding Saeyoung's shirt started shaking, and his grip loosened. He looked down quickly, but the sidewalk under his feet belied his true feelings when his tears fell and created little damp spots. Saeyoung stepped forward and held the smaller twin. He kissed the top of his head briefly, reminding himself that the now red- headed twin had come so far in his recovery. This might be the last time he ever saw him. They both lingered for a moment until Saeran's shuddering stopped.

The twins bid eachother goodbye before Saeran stepped inside the home they had all chosen together. The home that was GOING to be a home and not a damn bunker. He walked up to Emma's crumpled form and crouched, placing a hand on her back. Her hair hung in her face and she stared at her clenched hands on the floor. "He'll come back, right?" She whispered- barely audible as the wind began to howl outside. "Yeah. He promised. So he'll be back." He said, not sure if he was trying to comfort her or himself. 

The next few weeks passed by in a blur. Emma was doing damage control in RFA as everyone started panicking as soon as they heard the news. Saeran picked up the slack as the technician for the fundraising committee, and the question of whether or not to hold the next party was a constant elephant in the room. After Yoosung finally broached the topic one day, Emma suddenly signed off and ran to the bathroom. Saeran had a day off from the coffee shop and glanced at her briefly before returning to his show. Things had been...awkward since his brother left. He felt guilty, in a way, because he had the same face she so desperately wanted to see. He felt like he was almost torturing her being there- so he tried to avoid her as much as he could. He heard a glass break and he leaped off the couch, making a beeline for the master bedroom's bathroom.  

"Emma, are you okay?!" He busted in, quickly making an assessment of the situation. The glass she used from brushing her teeth was shattered, casting glimmers of light across the linoleum floor. She was saddled up to the toilet, but slowly drew back and settled her back against the wall, holding her head tightly. Was she having a nervous breakdown? Because of the party? He started forward, ready to give her the uplifting advice that he was...not well known for...when he stopped. Sitting on the toilet lid was a pregnancy test. He stared before slowly turning his head back to her flushed face. 

"You're pregnant..." She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her words came out almost like garbled nonsense, but Saeran understood what she was trying to say: "I can't do this without him." And he felt a surge of protectiveness and rage at her frantic scrambling in trying to understand where this path was leading. He understood all too well the helplessness she felt. He fell to his knees and cradled her. He wasn't a huge fan of touching or being touched, but he swallowed all of that and just sat with her. He tried to whisper comforting words, encouraging words, any combination of syllables he could find to let her know it would be okay. Nothing really worked, though. He picked her up gently and brought her to the large bed she had once shared with her husband. 

He laid her down gently, and covered her in the heavy down comforter. Her hand snaked out and gripped his wrist. He stopped, swallowing hard. "Please..." she mumbled, "please don't leave me alone. I can't be alone staring at the empty side of the bed..." she was red- faced, partially from crying, but also because she knew that this was an embarrassingly difficult thing to ask of Saeran. But she was happy when he relented, crawling into his brother's side of the bed and feeling his nerves go numb when Emma placed her head on his chest. She cried, and eventually devolved into a fetal position while he held her- until she cried herself to sleep, still gripping his shirt tightly as if he might disappear too.

The next morning, Saeran woke up with a start, trying to remember where he was in this alien bed. The previous day came flooding back him and he flushed, looking at Emma's still sleeping form beside him. Her eyes shot open almost immediately, and they had an odd, early morning stare- down before she groggily rubbed her eyes and scrambled out of bed. He watched as she padded out of the room silently. He was afraid that he may have overstepped his bounds, so he followed her to try to apologize. He walked into the kitchen as she was making breakfast. The eggs sizzled in the pan excitedly, matching his own nervous energy. 

"Emma- I'm...sorry. I shouldn't have stayed..." He ran his fingers through his locks, brushing some tangles out. She focused on the eggs, but answered him as she sprinkled salt, "Don't be sorry. It's not like we had sex. Thank you for staying....I mean it." She looked into his eyes as she said the last part and he smiled weakly. She returned the gesture and went to work frying up some bacon. They had the first quiet breakfast in the home ever. They both munched quietly as they were deafened by the overwhelming absence of Saeyoung's morning exuberance. Saeran offered to clean the dishes and Emma nodded curtly before retiring to take a shower. As he was cleaning off the plates, he noticed Emma had barely touched her own food. He grimaced, throwing the leftovers in the trashcan. 

Saeran had to work that day, so he signed into the chatroom before he had to get ready for work, hoping that someone would be in there. 

-Saeran has entered the chat room-

Yoosung: Saeran! Has Jumin said anything to you yet?

Saeran: No. he doesn't talk to me- why?

Zen: He's nervous about the party

Yoosung: He hasn't told us anything about it T_T I need to know if we're holding it or not so I can close the clinic and let my clients know beforehand...

Zen: Still can't believe you actually opened your own vet clinic, lol.

Yoosung: Hey! Why is that so hard to believe?!

Yoosung: Zen- you're mean. Hmpf.

Saeran: Can you guys shut up for a second? I don't have a lot of time and I need a favor. 

Saeran: I need someone to come and check on Emma while I'm at work today. She really...can't be alone. And she needs to eat.

Yoosung: ???

Yoosung: I don't mind stopping by, but why now?

Zen: Yeah, it's been a few weeks and she's been...relatively okay...

Saeran: I shouldn't be the one to tell you guys, but something's changed. So just...do what I say. 

Saeran: I have to get ready now.

-Saeran has left the chat room-

He stared at the phone in his hand, feeling defeated. He glanced at the large white door to the master bedroom that Emma was hiding behind. He sighed, and stepped into the bathroom in the main hallway to get ready for work. When he stepped out of the house an hour later- showered, dressed and ready for the day, he glanced once more, hoping to catch a hint of life- a light, a sound, anything. 

There was nothing. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Yoosung stopped by later that day with a baby bunny he had borrowed from the clinic. It came in on a wildlife call after someone found the entire litter in the backyard with the mom, sadly, having abandoned them. The tiny furballs were getting ready to be adopted out, but he figured it might cheer Emma up. 

He was wrong. So very, very wrong. 

As soon as Emma saw the tiny thing, the tears wouldn't stop. He tried to reason with her, "What's wrong, Emma? It's just a baby bunny~ look how cute!" He held the tiny pink paw up and waved at her. She just glared. "You said it was abandoned...by it's parents...." she whimpered. "W- well....I mean...I don't think the dads typically stick around anyways..." he tried. "WHAT IF THEY WANT A DAD??" She shouted back. This was Yoosung's day, only made slightly better by Zen fulfilling his end of the promise to Saeran. They mostly talked in the living room while Emma moped around. Zen was entertained by the bunny, at least. They tried in vain to get her to eat, but she just picked and nibbled at the food Zen ordered until they left.

Saeran came home about 15 minutes later. He glanced up at the balcony she had loved so much situated on the side of the house. She was sitting in a wicker chair, staring out into an unknown distance. She glanced briefly when she saw Saeran, and gave a quick wave. His chest tightened, remembering when she first stepped onto the deck... _"Saeyoung~ Look! It's so cute- I can sit out here and watch our kids play in the yard or be the first person to welcome you home everyday!"_ Her excited clamor that day made the scene in front of him now look even more depressing. He tried his best to push it out of his mind, and went inside. 

The weekend came. Jaehee closed her shop and Yoosung closed his clinic in order to attend the first official RFA meeting since their technician/ hacker/ friend left. They had decided to do regular in- person meetings after the first party with Emma, and things had grown more organized when it came time for their second party with the new coordinator. This was going to be the third, and everyone was on edge wondering if it would really happen. The meeting place had been the bunker for so long, but now everyone was coming to the house that Saeran, Emma and Saeyoung all chose together. There was some mumbling and furtive glances being cast as they were all seated at the large table in the dining room.

Emma walked in, feeling and looking haggard. She had tried her best to make herself presentable, but had little sleep and only a bit to eat since she learned the news. She had yet to tell everyone, and only Saeran knew. Jumin called the meeting to order when she took her seat. "Well, this is a meeting to decide if we should put the party on hiatus or continue as planned. The party, on it's original schedule, would be 6 months from now." No one spoke up. Emma coughed and all eyes focused on her. "We should do it." She croaked out. "Saeyoung...IS coming back. And when he does, he'll be really hurt if he caused the RFA any trouble." She tried to sound defiant, but the shakiness in her voice betrayed her. Still, she gathered the strength to look into each and every pair of eyes staring at her, still showing the determination in her words. 

"Right." Jaehee said, wanting to back her friend up, "she's right. He would blame it on himself. In light of the situation, I can assist Emma in coordinating the party guests." There was more debate, more mumbling, and nothing was really solved. At the end of the day, they decided to give it a couple months. At worst, they would have a smaller party this time, closer to the first one- IF they decided to have it at all. Jaehee cast a worried look as Emma disappeared to her hideout in her room. 

"Saeran..." she started, and the bickering and mumbling stopped. "Is Emma okay?" She asked, genuine worry showing on her features. He looked down. "Ah...not really? I don't think she sleeps much- she just sits on the porch drinking tea. And I haven't seen her eat a good meal in awhile..." before Jaehee or anyone else could continue the dialog, he added, "I'm taking her to the doctor tomorrow. I'll let you know what they say." He put on a forced smile, but considering he didn't smile that much to begin with, everyone took it at face value and thanked him for any updates he could give. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _Shit...they beefed up security since I was here last..._ Saeyoung clicked away on his computer, hidden in a makeshift camping area a couple of miles from agency HQ. He had been camping for awhile to determine if this was far out enough to where no one on patrol would find him, and it seemed safe enough. He took off his glasses and rubbed the sweat out of his eyes. 

 _There's an emergency exit somewhere. I have to get an escape route decided and mapped out before I talk with them. I have approximately a 4.7% chance of talking them down...a 6.9% chance of escaping...leaving an 88.4% chance of being taken out after walking into their trap..._ He knew the math definitely wasn't in his favor. But he was pushed into a corner, and these were the only options available. He finally got through the firewall and made a small victory dance as he started plotting his route out of the facility....and back home. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Had Saeran ever seen her so...angular before? He stared at the wilting form of Emma in the hospital bed. She had collapsed a couple of days after the meeting with the RFA members. She was sitting up, picking at her food. He clenched his fists, trying to find where the line between understanding and enabling was. When she placed the cover over her food to indicate she was finished, he broke. 

"Goddammit, Emma, eat!" He stood up and ripped the cover back off, scooping up some kind of fish and rice mixture and thrusting it in her face. She looked back at him angrily. 

"Did you hear the doctor? You're pregnant. If you don't eat, the baby will die." He gauged her for a reaction but found none. He huffed, placing the food back onto her plate and sitting next to her again. He placed his head in his hands, focusing on his shifting feet. "Did you really believe him? That he'll be back?" He asked, speaking in a slightly higher tone that he used when he was starting to get stressed out. She shifted, and placed a reassuring hand on his back. "I think I do..." She answered. He brushed her hand off gently and locked his eyes with hers. 

"No, I NEED you to believe that he will be. If you lose hope, then I will too. I can't go back to who I was. I'll die first." He said it with such finality, and Emma felt the fear settle in her belly. She thought back through all the hardships she and Saeyoung had been through just to get to the point where they could be together. She jumped slightly when a hand was placed on her stomach. 

"Give him something to come back to. Give him a real family. Don't...don't fall apart...like our mother did. Please...." Saeran voice was so quiet now, the sound barely reached her ears when he said this. But she heard it all the same. She looked at his trembling hand, still resting there. All at once she felt ashamed, embarrassed, and angry. What had she been doing all this time? She fell apart for weeks because she was afraid? If her husband never came back, would she be able to forgive herself if she had killed the last thing that remained of him? No...no, she really couldn't. She covered Saeran's hand with her own and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

"You're right. I'm...so sorry..." She grabbed her utensils and started piling the food into her mouth. He smiled, feeling for the first time since Saeyoung left that he had actually made good on his promise to take care of her. He flushed, remembering what ELSE he had promised, and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair. "Don't apologize. Just keep doing that. Keep eating and get some sleep." She smiled as best she could while feeding her starving body and the life inside of her. Saeran took his leave after getting texts from the other RFA members. 

She was okay. For now, she was okay.

 


	3. Chapter 3

"Ah, 707- I take it you got my invitation just fine, then?" The older woman smiled menacingly. The agents led and somewhat dragged their former coworker into the auspiciously extravagant office. He could feel the sweat pooling in his palms as he noticed new scars, missing limbs or absent agents that his leak might have been the cause of. A glare from a man missing an eye told him that this assumption was correct in his case. 

"Yo!" He tried to say as cheerfully as he could, "where's the old man? Did he retire?" The woman stared at him blankly before responding, "You mean Churchill? Oh, he was killed. Guess who caused that?" She fixated her dark eyes on him pointedly. He fought back the urge to glance around at his surroundings- not wanting to give them any idea that he was still hoping to walk out of this situation alive. "Bryn...I'm so sorry..." He tried, but a hand swept across his face, leaving a scorching red print. "That's not my code name anymore, you piece of shit...Churchill was the closest thing I had to any semblance of a friend..." As suddenly as she had slapped him, her fist was equally fast in connecting with his stomach. He coughed, and slumped onto his knees as he tried to catch his breath. She crouched down with him, her graying hair falling into her contradictory lively blue eyes. Saeyoung looked into them, squinting, thinking as he always used to that she must have been pretty once, before whatever brought her to the agency gave her the mental scars that would in turn earn her the physical ones marring her features.

"I want you to know..." She said, pulling out her meticulously serviced .44 Magnum. It was like slow motion to him. He whipped his head back into the face of the agent gripping his arms, hearing the sickeningly satisfying crack of a broken nose. The blood pouring from the wound made Saeyoung's hands slippery, but he nonetheless reached out and gripped the man's gun, turning around quickly and pistol whipping an agent that had come up behind him. The agent formerly known as Bryn stood by, letting the people working under her take the brunt of the assault. She had almost forgotten how capable 707 could be when he put his mind to it. She groomed her nails distractedly, counting the agents that were incapacitated by by the redhead. Finally, after she had counted 3 out of 5 being down for the count, she aimed carefully and pulled the trigger. He screamed, falling to one knee and clasping his shattered shin in his hands. The 2 remaining agents fixed their suits that had been set askew by the scuffle and gathered around their leader. 

She placed the still smoking barrel to his forehead, slick with blood that (mostly) didn't belong to him. "It's rude to interrupt." She said simply. "I was going to say....that I want you to know how utterly happy it is going to make me to kill you. And I will find your family, and I will kill them too." His eyes widened and his Adam's apple bobbed as he tried to keep the panic and tears from consuming him. He wasn't crying because he was scared to die, he was crying because all of this was for nothing, and he suddenly felt very foolish. He closed his eyes and thought of Emma. He thought of how she looked on the security cameras before he had even met her, the way her eyes lit up when they finally did meet....her groggy face in the mornings...her face when he made love to her. He tried not to think of her face when she would discover that he was dead, or the face she would wear at his funeral. Some tears dripped down, but he didn't care anymore. Of all the things that would upset him right now, crying in front of his murderer definitely wasn't one of them. He heard the ominous click of the hammer being pulled back. 

_BANG_

He heard the sound of a .357 Magnum.  _Wait...she doesn't have a .357. And I'm still alive._ His eyes shot open just as 2 more gunshots filled the room. The remaining agents, along with their boss, crumpled in a heap in front of him with one neat exit wound on each skull. 

"I hope you have an escape plan, because I sure as shit don't." Saeyoung looked up, and felt like he could see a halo and a magnificent holy aura surrounding his former partner. "VANDERWOOD!!" He tried to stand up, but his destroyed leg begged to differ. The still long-haired brunette huffed and lifted him up. Saeyoung winced at the pain, but there were more important things at the moment. Vanderwood helped him limp over to the large oaken door and manually lock it- a strategy that would keep approximately 1 agent out if they suffered from a severely diminished mental capacity. He didn't have time to hack into the locking mechanism from the computer, though, so it would have to do. He informed Vanderwood of the route he had planned, while simultaneously recalculating his survival chances with an ally in tow.  _67.3%..._ he thought excitedly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're...pregnant?" Jaehee repeated incredulously. The rest of the RFA members stood around the hospital bed in shock. Emma nodded. "And I am pushing for us to hold the party." A mixture of elation and fear filled the room. But the color had returned to her face, and she no longer had the rundown look of a woman who had given up on life. She looked born anew, refreshed...well-rested. 

"I remember saying that we would revisit this topic in a couple months..." Jumin chimed in.

"I have to agree with Mr. Trust Fund. It's definitely too soon." Zen added. Yoosung and Jaehee shared a look and the vet was the first to pipe up, "But it's what she wants...and if Jaehee helps her..." He said. Jaehee nodded vigorously. "I agree- if I help her, it shouldn't be a problem." This incited a storm of bickering and Emma rolled her eyes, wishing that Saeran were here to break up the maelstrom of opinions. She finally grew annoyed enough and slammed her hand down on the bedside table, causing the remote for the television to tumble onto the floor and add to the cacophonous gathering of sound. Everyone was quiet then, and looked at her expectantly. 

"I need something to do. Stress isn't good for the baby, so if I have too much time to think, I will get stressed out and sad. You guys don't want that, do you?" She let her words and her puppy dog eyes sink in to everyone around the room. Truthfully, she had already promised herself that she would take better care of the baby and her body and mental health, but they didn't know that. The guilt trip slowly traveled around the room, showing clearly in the faces of the two naysayers. Jumin and Zen relented, but Jumin reiterated that Jaehee most certainly would help with anything and everything. The other woman in RFA agreed, and chided the heir for continuing to treat her like an assistant. Emma smiled, loving her surrogate family the most when they were like this. Regardless, she was still feeling a little bit of sadness at knowing this scene wasn't complete without her husband there to make cheerfully silly comments. But she took comfort in hoping that maybe he would be at the party. Maybe he would make a grand entrance DURING the party. Her smile faded and her head settled heavily on her pillow, she closed her eyes and fell asleep at the warm thought of when she would see him again. 


	4. Chapter 4

"Just give me a fucking second." Saeyoung limped hurriedly away from the agency HQ. Vanderwood had been taking out agents that were on the outskirts, and they were more or less fine thanks to the pre-mapped escape route. But the hacker was tired now, and had lost a lot of blood. After Vanderwood had suggested for the umpteenth time to get a doctor, he stripped off his shirt and tore it into strips. Rain started to fall in heavy, fat droplets. Eventually, they reached his former campsite- still stocked with hidden emergency items he had buried.

"Vanderwood, get me two of the straightest tree branches you can find." He said, stripping off his pants and sitting heavily on a rock. He pulled out the water bottle he brought, and rinsed off the wound. That damn bullet definitely did a number on him. He took one of the strips of cloth and shoved it in his mouth. He dug his finger into the wound, his teeth biting down on the cloth so hard he thought they would crack. Finally, his finger was able to wiggle the bullet free, and it clattered onto the rock, followed by blood. He grabbed his lighter- also a necessity for wilderness survival. Keeping the cloth in his mouth, he bared down again and cauterized the wound. 

The rain did nothing to cool down his sweat- slicked face. As much as step 1 and 2 hurt...the worst was yet to come. He spit out the strip of cloth as Vanderwood came back with the branches. "Please tell me we're going to try to start a fire or something..." Saeyoung gave him a hard look, for once being the voice of reason in his dire predicament. "Fire while it's raining...yeah not gonna happen. Listen, I need you to set my bone back into place. Then, I am going to use those branches as a splint. But first..." He broke off a piece of the branches and set it in his mouth. He laid his leg out expectantly. Vanderwood stared for a moment before stepping forward. He could hear his partner's breath speed up in frantic anticipation. 

Vanderwood gripped the pitiful looking leg. He took a breath and applied pressure to force it back into position. Saeyoung's muffled cries made him feel like shit. After a few excruciating minutes of forcing the bone back into place, it was finally done. Saeyoung looked worn out, and more tired than he had ever seen him. Nonetheless, he gripped the branches and set them on either side of his shin, using the remaining strips of his shirt to hold them in place. Then he promptly passed out. Vanderwood checked cautiously to make sure he was breathing and his heart was beating before setting himself up to have a long night keeping watch.

The next morning welcomed Saeyoung with a hazy dawn and a throbbing pain. He wiped his eyes and saw Vanderwood yawning, still watching the trees for any non- animal disturbances. "So, we need to talk." the brunette said simply. "Is it about why you were with the agency again?" Saeyoung responded, still a bit perturbed by his injury. "Actually, I did it for you." the redhead waited for him to continue, making himself busy with tightening his makeshift splint. "I heard that the agency was pissed. And a lot of people died. They never planned to leave you alone, but they didn't really have the financial means to do anything. But they got a very wealthy and extremely powerful backer that seemed to have a vendetta against you in particular." At this, Saeyoung's head whipped up as Vanderwood finished his explanation.

"Seven, we have to kill you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few months were a blur. Jaehee was shocked at how much work Emma was taking on- seemingly coinciding with the growth of her belly. The bigger she got, the more guests Emma would contact. Saeran helped with chores around the house, realizing with a sudden pang that most of the mess used to be his brother's. Emma had been doing her regular checkups at the doctor, but held off the ultrasound as long as she could. Saeran still saw her on the porch every evening until she went to bed- desperately waiting for his twin's disheveled locks to come bounding down the sidewalk. No doubt, he knew that she had been holding off that special moment in the rare chance that he might come home and be able to share in it with her. Finally, she relented.

"I'll take you..." Saeran said, his cheeks pink. He knew how happy it made Emma, and he tried to ignore how awkward it would make him feel. Nonetheless, the day came and neither Saeran nor Emma said anything when the nurse called them "Mr. and Mrs. Choi." He felt like he had been playing house with her since Saeyoung left, so how was this any different? As odd as he felt, when he sat down next to her and the nurse spread that gel on her enlarged belly, he also felt at peace. Maybe even happy- like a real family. He snapped himself back to reality almost as soon as the thought entered his mind.  _This isn't real...you're just filling in..._ his thoughts trailed away at Emma's gasp. He looked at the screen where two heads could be seen canoodling.

"Congratulations, you two- you're having twins!" The nurse exclaimed excitedly. His mint green eyes just stared.  _I wonder if Saeyoung and I looked like that...I wonder what mom felt..._ Emma glanced over and noticed Saeran's subdued silence. She asked the nurse quietly to give them some time, and the slightly older woman excused herself. Emma had spent enough time with the twins to know when they were thinking of the past, or their mother. As different as they were, they both had the same symptoms when this happened. She placed her hand cautiously on top of his, waiting for him to blink away the blank stare. Eventually, he did, and looked at her hand on top of his. 

"Saeran...are you okay?" She asked. He felt so guilty making her worry. He just nodded. "Y- Yeah. I know you'll be a great mom, Emma. No matter what happens." He said, not knowing if he was trying to reassure her or himself. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand gently. "Just don't go disappearing on me, okay? I might need a big strong man around the house to help." He laughed, "Okay, I'll tell Zen you'll be expecting him." She gave him as playful punch on the shoulder, and they both felt like everything (well, almost everything) was right in the world again. 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The party came and went without a hitch. Everyone 'ooh'ed and 'aw'ed at the now alarmingly large Emma. Despite the efforts of the other members, she slipped on a dress and some sensible flats and stayed the entire night. She hoped that her wayward husband would make a dramatic appearance at some point, but when the guests starting filing out and the lights started coming on in the venue, she knew the chance had passed. She tried not to show her disappointment as Saeran led her to the car. She sat in the plush foreign car Saeyoung had been especially proud of, and could almost imagine him in the driver's seat, cracking jokes about other drivers or teasing Saeran's cramped form in the backseat (this being one of the few of his 'babies' that actually HAD a backseat). 

She was shocked when some droplets of water fell on her folded hands in her lap. Saeran, cautiously merging onto the exit that would take them home, glanced over alarmingly at her reflexive sniffle. "Emma, what's wrong?" He asked, fully expecting her to talk about how much she still missed her husband. And she was going to, she really was, but a sudden pain caused her to lurch forward and grip her stomach. Now, instead of lonely tears, she was crying fat, hot tears of pain as jolts of electricity sprang throughout her limbs. She felt like she was slowly but brutally being torn from the inside out. And she knew exactly what it was. 

"Go to the hospital." She was able to rasp out. When Saeran didn't immediately concede, she reached a shaky hand out to grip his thigh tightly and screamed, "NOW!!" Saeran felt like his leg was about to fall off, so he made an extremely illegal u-turn and headed in the opposite direction towards the hospital. They were both frantically thinking the same thing-  _The twins are almost 3 months premature._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Well, this cabin brings back memories." Vanderwood said as he helped Saeyoung limp inside. One of the first things Saeyoung did after hacking the agency database was erase all tracks that led to this place. He wasn't sure if he would ever need it, but he liked the idea of having a safe house to run to. He tried easing the tension he was feeling in his belly by cracking a joke, "just don't take advantage of me while I'm asleep..." That granted a small smile from his friend, who was now extremely worried about Saeyoung's lack of mobility. 

"If you're going to kill me, I can't exactly end up in the hospital." He said after another suggestion regarding professional care for his leg was made, "any tracks I leave will be conspicuous, so I plan to leave none." Vanderwood was still mulling this over as he watched Saeyoung limp painfully to the dusty old couch and plop down. Regardless, the red-head continued while once again stripping off his pants and disinfecting his parting gift from the agency. "I have food here. It's enough for 5 years. With no contact, that should be enough to convince him I'm dead." Vanderwood's head snapped to the direction of the couch. "Him?" he asked..."how do you know it's a him?" Saeyoung had started the process of changing his bandages, this time using sturdier medical tape instead of a sweaty shirt. "You said it was someone with the financial means to resurrect the agency that hates me- who else would it be but my father?" He finished his nursing duties and turned to look at the brunette. "Am I wrong?" Vanderwood shook his head, "no...you're not wrong...but Seven...5 years? Will you even have anything to return to after that?"

Saeyoung's head drooped a little, but his gaze was fierce, and bore a hole through Vanderwood as he answered, "I promised I'd make it back...All I can do is trust that she'll wait."

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She sat outside the NICU machines, watching the tiny rise and fall of her daughters' chests. It had been a week since she had an emergency c- section, and things were really iffy for a while. Even now, she knew they weren't out of the woods yet, but she watched intently, her hand still tingling from the brief skin- to- skin contact she had with them before they were whisked away. She sang to them sometimes, but felt more hopeful when she shared stories about their dad.

"You both have so much from him...his eyes, his hair...maybe you'll be like him personality- wise, too. That wouldn't be so bad. Lucy...Elly...please stay strong. I want you to be able to meet your crazy, loving, wonderful dad..." She placed a finger tip on the clear glass, knowing that it was keeping them alive but fighting every urge to break it and just hold them. The nurse came in to tell her she had visitors, so Emma stood up slowly, keep her eyes fixated on the two life- sustaining capsules before finally, painfully, turning her head to walk out. 

She smiled at the waiting faces of her friends. They had filled her room with so many flowers and balloons that the addition of people made it feel like a sardine can. Nonetheless, she grinned, loving the feeling of fullness and comfort that they always brought with them. Even Saeran quirked a small smile when he saw her own. He had barely left her side since the party, and she was suspicious that Jaehee was still paying him his regular wages, despite his absence. She sat down in her bed and ripped open a tin of of cookies sent by Jumin. 

"Emma~ I was so worried~" Yoosung started, his boyish whining seeming so out of place on a face that was slowly but surely getting more mature by the day. She nibbled on her cookie and patted his blonde head reassuringly. "I'm okay, everyone. More importantly, the twins are okay." She said. Everyone still seemed so on edge, but she pushed down her own feelings of fear that slowly started creeping up her spine. "Anyways! Let's play a game, huh? I have cards..."

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"Do you want to write her a note or anything?" Vanderwood asked he dragged their plundered morgue body through the woods. It had been a few weeks, but it was going to take so much longer for his friend's leg to heal. At the very least, it wasn't going to get infected. Saeyoung limped heavily, using a walking stick he picked up as a crutch. Finally, they reached the car stashed on the outskirts of town. 

"No. I can't. I know I've asked you to do a lot of things, but I need to do one more thing for me..." When he told him, Vanderwood almost dropped the body before he had a chance to cram it into the driver's seat. "I knew you were weird, but..." the red head just smiled. "She's smart- she'll get it. It's the only hint I can give her without putting her in danger..." Vanderwood acquiesced, and doused the unfortunate corpse in enough kerosene to burn 1,000 bodies. The car was put into neutral, pushed by both men, and a final match was lit as it lumbered over the edge of the cliff. They watched the morbid fireworks show as Saeyoung caught his breath. His partner peered over at him, watching his breathing grow haggard. He stood up and turned his back to face him. "Get on," he said, making the gesture for a piggy- back ride, "I'm not going to let you fall asleep wherever you damn well please." Saeyoung smiled, and awkwardly climbed up. He couldn't miss his chance to punish the kind gesture, though- "Ohhh~ such a big strong man~" He cooed, earning a tasering threat.

When they could relax at the cabin again, they started the planning what would decide the rest of Saeyoung's life. When they had every detail mapped out, Vanderwood gave his friend a tight hug. "I won't see you for a really long time, then. Are you really okay with this?" Saeyoung looked down and shuffled his hair in an effort to organize his thoughts. "Honestly, I'm terrified. But I'm not afraid of dying or being tortured or anything like that if I'm found. I'm scared to death of hurting Emma. So this is what I need to do for myself, and my family." He sighed. "I'll see you around..." he said with finality- trying to push aside the topic that was eating him up inside. When Vanderwood left, he glanced around what would be his home for an ungodly amount of time. Nonetheless, he opened his laptop. Like he had done for almost half of his life, he started the process of collecting secrets like an entomologist collecting bugs.

Vanderwood made it back to the agency to find it in an uproar. Someone (i.e.- HIM) had deleted the data from the servers. This time, it wasn't a leak- it was full and complete destruction. He joined in the clamor, using the convenient lack of information to appear as if he'd just arrived back from a mission. "Where's the director? What the hell is going on?!" After confirming he was, in fact, one of their agents with his ID, he was taken to the director's office. Instead of the embittered but powerful woman he had grown used to seeing, there was a thick man with a hardened stare. 

"Vanderwood, is it?" He said, rifling through some papers. He nodded, swallowing hard as he stared at the man who was arguably the most powerful person in the country...as well as Saeyoung's murderous dad. He thought carefully about how to phrase his next statement. "Sir- I was sent by the director on a classified mission to take out a target. The target has been eliminated and I would like my compensation." The man tried hard to seem disinterested, but couldn't hide the excited malice that lit up his eyes. "Which target?"

Part one of the plan was finished. The man now controlling the agency reluctantly believed that the son he never wanted was finally dead. He had already believed that the other died from undernourishment as a child, so he finally felt as if his loose ends were tied up. He had no idea how slowly the threads were already unraveling. 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Clinking plates, sizzling food, the warbling sound of babies cooing. Emma and Saeran had been taking care of the two infants for a few months now, and were growing accustomed to the new routine that was forming. The RFA party had been 3 months earlier, and the members were all talking about the next one already. The dull ache of Saeyoung's absence still resonated in the air, but no one wanted to approach the subject with Emma. They talked about it amongst themselves, occasionally, but mostly out of fear for what was next. Emma calmly rinsed off dishes as Saeran took the twins to get them dressed for the day. The phone rang and she absent-mindedly picked it up with a hollow, "this is Emma."

"Mrs. Choi?" An authoritative voice came from the other end. Something about it made her blood run cold. "We believe we've found your husband..." She listened, disturbingly calm as the voice relayed the information to her. She gave a quick affirmative and promise to be at the station as soon as possible. She hung up the phone. She placed the now clean plate on the drying rack. She walked into the twins' room as Saeran was finishing up with getting Elly dressed. She heard her own voice come out in a soulless echo- "Saeran, the police think they found Saeyoung. We need to go to the station and identify the body." The words 'the body' seemed to hit Saeran like a freight truck. He tried his best to stay composed, as they both did, but the effect was more zombie- like than one of actual composure.

It was the most awful phone call of his life. He only made it once, to Jumin. He told him the news, asked if he could meet them at the station to take the twins and tell the other members. Jumin didn't argue, and the sounds of him hurriedly leaving his corporate office were evident in the background. Saeran was sure he would feel grateful for that- when he felt anything at all. Emma didn't talk much, but tried to prepare him for it- no good way to identify the body, but a partial license, clothing and accessories would need to be identified. They didn't have to see the actual body. Emma said she wouldn't. Saeran agreed with her on that point. 

They arrived, and the other RFA members had somehow beaten them there. Zen and Yoosung cradled the twins and were obviously trying not to panic or cry in front of the two people that would be most affected by this. When everything had been arranged for the twins, Emma and Saeran trudged into the station. They sat down and sifted through what was left from the burning husk of a car. Yes, that was his license, yes, that was his necklace. A metal clanging- Emma cradled the small piece of jewelry as she felt all of the emotions she had been trying to suppress rush into her all at once.

"Yes," she croaked out shakily, "this is his ring". She clutched the wedding band tightly, as if trying to squeeze the remnants of the life they were supposed to have together out of it. The officer thanked them both for their time and left to give them some privacy. Saeran didn't let his own tears come out until he held her safely in his arms. He hadn't sobbed like this since he was a child. Ironically, that was because of Saeyoung too. 

The twins stayed with Jaehee that night. Emma and Saeran wondered if they had done the right thing. They shared a bottle of whiskey between the two of them, and started to feel like it actually was a pretty good idea. Saeran mostly sipped- he always had a strong aversion to alcohol thanks to his mother, but Emma was swimming in it. When he noticed her getting slowly more tipsy, he hid the bottle away. Her mind started to clear a bit before they both started to feel drowsy. They shared stories about the redhead and cried, laughed and then cried some more. Saeran had given up any pretense of aloofness, and openly shared everything with Emma. Saeyoung was gone, and he had been gone for almost a year. Emma tottered drowsily to the room and Saeran helped her along. 

She placed her hand on the knob and looked at him hesitantly. He swallowed as he realized that same heaviness in her eyes and blush in her cheeks she had the first night his brother was gone. "Saeran, please stay with me..." he nodded and followed her into the room. He hadn't seen it since that first night, and it was tidy, prim and proper.He followed her to the bed and laid down awkwardly, once again filling the space that belonged to his doppelganger. He was prepared for another awkward morning, and restless dreams. What he wasn't prepared for was Emma's lips softly pressed against his. He stared up in shock, watching as her long brown hair slowly cascaded off of her shoulders to make a curtain around them- as if they could hide from the world. He placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed.

"Emma...you're really upset..." She nodded vigorously. "I am. Please, let me be selfish. Just for one night...please..." She was whispering, and there was such need and tenderness in the sound. She was slowly stripping off her layers of clothing and his thought process was running as dry as his mouth. He knew that it was wrong, he knew that if anyone found out they would see him as a sad, pathetic man who took advantage of his own brother's grieving widow. But they didn't see her like this, and they didn't know how much he loved her. And he would commit any sin, kill anyone, destroy any relationship he had created if it meant that he could take away her pain- no matter how brief. He wasn't sure if he nodded, but he remembered laying her down gently and drinking in every inch of her body. He remembered tracing her face lightly with his fingers that were slightly trembling. He remembered how sweet she tasted. Most of all, he remembered making slow but passionate love to her- trying so hard to let her how know how he felt without using any words.

He had filled her so completely with every piece of himself. He knew, deep down, that this was fleeting. Emma was grieving, and she was clasping around him because he had the same features of the man she loved. He knew all of this. That's why, when they were done and she seemed satisfied, he padded to the bathroom and removed his contacts. He looked at the eyes that they shared- the eyes he had tried so hard to erase because even now, even looking in a mirror felt like he was looking at Saeyoung. He laid back down in the bed next to Emma, who was already asleep. When she woke up, she could look at the eyes she loved so much, and maybe she wouldn't hate him. Maybe she wouldn't see him as the selfish coward he was.

He closed his eyes and made a silent prayer-  _anyone but her. Anyone can hate me, call me names, push me away. If there is a god, please don't let it be her._ He gathered her tightly in his arms, prepared that it might be the last time he would ever do so.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

They never talked about it again. Sometimes, even decades later, they would share a look and in a tiny blink of time, they would wordlessly communicate that it was real and it happened. But the next morning, Emma was up and making arrangements for the funeral before Saeran could even tumble out of bed. He wondered briefly why everything was blurry before remembering that his contacts were in the other room. He went to the kitchen where he could hear her on the phone with the funeral director. She stopped when she saw him. For the first time, he saw what his brother saw. For just a moment, the look in her eyes was the look reserved just for Saeyoung. He realized in that same moment that she would never look at him in that way, nor would she ever love him in the way she loved his brother. He knew he would find peace with that, eventually. But for now, he just picked up the pieces of his heart and called Jaehee to let her know he would be coming to pick up Elly and Lucy. Life would move irrevocably forward, and so would he. 

He picked up adorably morbid black dresses for the girls- frilly with lace and an almost Gothic Lolita style to them- and headed back home. Emma was strangely calm and moved through her day as if she hadn't been planning the worst day of her life. They barely spoke to eachother- their souls too wounded to even attempt conversation. But when the twins were in bed and Emma said goodnight, Saeran could hear her careful weeping. He couldn't sleep anyways, so he stayed up, anticipating the twins' cries for their night feedings in an effort to catch them before they woke Emma up. He was successful, and finally blinked his eyes shut when the sun started to rise. 

The funeral was oddly somber. Emma felt like she should have planned some kind of crazy party to celebrate the equally crazy partner she had to say goodbye to. Saeran had been with her through the whole process, and she had wondered briefly if they could have a life together...but as soon as the thought entered, she banished it. She loved Saeran very similarly but wholly different from the way she had loved her husband. She loved him enough to know that he deserved someone who would look at him and only him, and not see shadows of a life that could have been.

Jumin gave a graceful eulogy, his voice only cracking slightly at the end. It was a closed casket, of course, and only the RFA members attended the service. It was held in a large, domineering Catholic church- the same one that a younger Saeyoung had met V and Rika. She glided her hands over the mahogany surface of the casket when everyone had filed out. She finally allowed herself to cry- she was oddly proud that she didn't do it during the service, or when she made the arrangements. She indulged in it now, watching the hot tears slide down the glossy wood. She didn't hear Vanderwood approach, but jumped when she felt his presence behind her. 

He felt so bad seeing her like this. He wanted to tell her everything was fine, she didn't need to cry, but he couldn't break his promise. Saeyoung didn't want him to say anything except for the carefully composed script he had laid out for him. So he started, his hand tightening unconsciously around the object in his hand. "Saeyoung asked me to give this to you if anything ever happened to him." He said, holding the object out to her. She stared as she walked closer, obviously confused. Something lit up in her eyes when she took it, though, and she thanked Vanderwood before calmly leaving the church. He hoped she had understood it, he sure as hell didn't know what the significance of chocolate milk was.

"Saeran, we have to go home, now." She said quickly, trying to appear as if she was still grieving. He looked confused, but they gathered the twins and promised to keep in touch with the RFA members about the next party. Emma was alarmingly silent the entire way home. She was continuing her mute status when they arrived and she clicked some buttons on Saeyoung's computer. A green light blinked after a few seconds, and she sighed, placing the chocolate milk on the kitchen table and sitting down. He put the infants in the little fenced in play area and sat across from her, almost convinced now that she was losing it.

"The green light means it's safe to talk, if the house is bugged, any recordings they receive will be scrambled and intelligible." She said. Saeran nodded slowly, feeling like he had missed something extremely important. "So...why would the house be bugged?" He asked, his eyes traveling to the chocolaty drink between them. "Because Saeyoung isn't dead." she answered simply. He just stared at her, now unafraid to just gawk. She was losing her goddamn mind. She explained what happened at the church and Saeran was still dumbfounded at her conclusion.

"The only significance chocolate milk has for us is when he convinced Yoosung to drink a ridiculous amount or else he was going to die, Saeran! You get it, right?" when he didn't answer right away, she continued, "it was a prank. He's trying to tell me that this is a prank- he's still alive!" Much to his chagrin, her logic actually made sense. Well, it made about as much sense as any other convoluted thing his brother had cooked up. This was bizarre enough and out there enough to be true. He tried to stop it, but a smile crept onto his lips. They both stared at eachother as they whisper- shouted in unison: "He's alive!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, you piece of shit- gimme all your secrets...." Saeyoung clacked away on his laptop, delving into the most private matters of his father he never cared to know about before. There were lots of women- his mother included- that the current prime minister enjoyed the company of. He was also really awful at cyber security. As he piled data upon data onto one of his many USBs, he thought about Emma. Was she lonely? Was she sad? He hoped that she didn't suffer too long before Vanderwood gave her his hint. He hope that she understood it. 

How was Saeran? Was he okay? Did he keep his promise to take care of her? Oh God...did he keep THE ENTIRE promise? He felt a boiling sense of jealousy in the pit of his stomach that reminded him of when Emma first entered the chat room. When Zen and Yoosung and even Jumin would talk to her, he was always trying to control that feeling. He felt a bit guilty that it was now directed at his brother, but still....he couldn't help himself when it came to her. 

A small beep signaled that his first batch of data had been downloaded. He turned his attention back to the task at hand, grabbing yet another USB and continuing his digging. In the back of his mind, he couldn't shake thoughts of her away, and it drove him to work harder- find anything and everything- and he would be free to live the life they wanted. Maybe even have kids...it wouldn't be too late, right? He pushed the doubt away. She would wait, and he would come back. She would wait, and he would come back...he repeated these two facts like a mantra as he steered himself back to the seemingly insurmountable task at hand. 


	8. Chapter 8

No one believed her except Saeran, but that was okay. The RFA had 3 more parties, all successful, all raising money for different causes. This had made it almost 4 years since Saeyoung had left. Emma didn't blame anyone for not believing her- but this was what she had to hold on to. She still waited every night on the balcony, and now Elly and Lucy waited with her sometimes. Saeran stayed with them occasionally, but had started the process of moving out. It was painful for both of them, but they knew it was coming the day Elly had called him 'Daddy'. He couldn't confuse them like that. Emma also felt herself being pulled toward him- slowly seeing him as a man and a father and she couldn't do that to the man that was actually her husband and actually still alive. Even if the loneliness felt like it was devouring her (and late some nights she really felt like it was), she would keep her promise. Even if Saeyoung didn't come back until she was 80 years old, she would still be there waiting. 

Emma finally decided to take a family picture as the eve of her daughters' shared birthday was upon them. She had finished making herself look presentable and found the twins playing in the living room. Zen was watching them patiently. He had taken up photography as his modeling and acting career started to pick up. Jumin had actually given him a good birthday present the year he mentioned his new hobby- V's old camera. 

The twins were scribbling on a flat sheet of cardboard when she entered. "Girls, what are you doing?" She asked, warily eyeing the scissors Zen was holding. Lucy's head popped up as she answered, "we're making Daddy!" Emma joined in after placing the finishing touches on her colored portion, "Yeah! Daddy can't be in the picture, so we made Cardboard Daddy!" They both stood up to proudly show off their artwork. It was obviously based off of one of the few pictures she had been able to scrounge up for them. Zen picked up the cardboard and carefully started releasing the image from its confines in 2D. "Girls, would you mind giving your mom and me some time to talk? We have to talk about the picture and how to make you two look as beautiful as possible." He winked, and the twins complied with a flurry of giggles and chatter as they retreated to them room. His face grew serious as soon as they were out of sight.

"They can't wait forever for him to come home..." he said, trying to tread as carefully as he could. Emma hated this conversation, though, and no amount of care would keep her from getting bristly. "They won't have to. Because he IS coming home." She said simply, jerking the cardboard figurine out of his hands as he finished cutting it out. She heard his heavy sigh. "Emma...they're going to be so upset when he doesn't...even you have to understand that, right?" She focused on the miniature imitation of her husband as she answered, "I won't remove my ring, and I won't accept that he's dead because he's not. And if you say anything to them about Saeyoung, I'll leave the RFA and never talk to any of you again." She was so severe, and Zen felt a stab of shame then. He acquiesced, as he always did with her, and the girls were summoned back out to the living room. It was a cute picture with Emma holding the two redheads protectively on her lap and both of them holding their little art project between them. Zen found himself hoping his friend really was still alive, somehow, because it was such a beautiful family he would be leaving behind. 

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Vanderwood opened the cabin door cautiously. He had expected it to be changed in some way, but remarkably, it looked exactly the same as it did since the last time he was here so many years ago. Saeyoung limped out of the room in the hallway. Vanderwood winced at the noticeable handicap acquired from a hastily treated bone that never properly healed. He laughed as Saeyoung pulled his hair back into a ponytail at the base of his neck. 

"Beautiful hair, Ma'am." He greeted him with. Saeyoung rolled his eyes, "yeah, well, can you believe that I just couldn't get a hair appointment? No one seems to want to cut a dead guy's hair." He wobbled forward and gave his friend the same big hug he gave him the last time he had seen him. Vanderwood noticed that he had lost a bit of weight.

"So, this is really it? We're ready?" The brunette asked. Saeyoung nodded, feeling the excitement in his belly flutter up again. "Yeah, this is it. I have everything I need. Now we have to bet everything on how badly everyone wants me back." He pulled out the disposable phone he'd been saving and turned it on. After a few clicks, the line on the other end was ringing. 

"Hello?" The voice on the other end answered. "Mistah trust fund kid!" Saeyoung said in his most annoyingly sing- song voice. He heard the phone drop, the executive cursed, and scrambled to pick it back up. Saeyoung smiled, "Does that mean you missed me?"

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

"Ms. Choi, I understand that there may be some problems at home, but this is unacceptable behavior in our program." The substantial man in front of her glared at her. She met his glare with her own, still furiously wiping the blood that dribbled down Elly's cheek. She had been called in after a fight broke out, and Emma wouldn't admit that she was oddly proud that none of the blood was her daughter's.

"Well, Mr. Kun, what I believe is unacceptable is the fact that this program hasn't taught the kids what is and is not acceptable to say to eachother." She threw her bloody tissue into the waste basket and met his gaze once again. A child on the playground "helpfully" explained what a bastard was to Elly and Lucy and why that category contained them. When he said that their dad obviously didn't want them and Lucy started crying, Elly calmly punched him in the nose, causing an all out preschooler brawl of semi- epic proportions. Lucy was in the corner of the room sniffling, and the sound made Emma herself want to find the kid and give him a punch of her own. 

Mr. Kun held her gaze, and Emma tried her best to relent. "Elly won't do it again, right Elly?" Elly gave her a look that said  _are you fucking kidding me? Of course I'd do it again_ , but responded with, "Yes, Mama. I'm sorry." Emma smiled- her daughter was so young but so smart already to understand how to deal with this situation. She could see the gears turning in her little head when she peered at the director of the preschool, probably deciding whether or not she was going to have to cry. The large man relented, though, and let them all go with a warning. When they were walking through the hall to exit the cheerful building, Elly spoke up. 

"Daddy IS coming back...right?" She sounded hesitant, like she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer. Emma held back her own doubts and answered, "Yes. He promised, so he'll be back." 

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"Luci...Saeyoung...You're asking a lot of me." Jumin said wearily. He listened to the heavy sigh from the other end. "Yeah...I know I am. But you're the only person who can do this. I understand why you wouldn't, so let me know and I'll just disappear." Jumin wanted to slap his friend when he heard that. "Of course you can't just disappear. What about-" He stopped himself with a jolt. He didn't know that he had kids. And if he did, and things didn't work out...."Emma will miss you." He finished awkwardly. "Anyways, I didn't say I wouldn't. Of course I will. But if I do this, I need to have your express and written consent when it's all over that you will henceforth always refer to Elizabeth the 3rd by her full and proper name and never touch her without my own express and written consent that you may do so." 

Saeyoung smiled at the dry humor he missed hearing from the businessman. "Yeah, that's fine. I'll just have to get my own Elly~" He said, and Jumin smiled at that.  _You already have your own Elly._

Vanderwood, meanwhile, was guiding the prime minister through the maze of rooms and hallways in his staunch government office. After faking Saeyoung's death, he had kept a faithful eye on the old man and asked to become his personal bodyguard. Having seemingly killed the one mistake in his past that was always a blemish on his life, the prime minister had an affinity for the former secret agent. Now, he had an impromptu meeting with the prime minister of Japan, but failed to notice the curiously scarce presence of other members in the security team. He weaved through the building and finally found his office and settled heavily into his chair, feeling his age briefly as he felt his bones creak. 

When the door opened and a man was ushered in, he felt the blood drain out his face. "You aren't the prime minister." He said, casting confused, almost panicked glances toward his singular security team. Jumin adjusted his cufflinks as he answered, "No, I am not. I am here on rather personal business. Forgive me for the intrusion." He attempted to use his famous honey- coated words that had garnered so many contracts for C&R, but the look on the older man's face showed how little effect they had on him. He sat down in front of the desk and engaged in a brief staredown before beginning his negotiations. 

"You've made a lot of mistakes, Mr. Prime Minister." He started, noting the beads of sweat starting to accumulate at his opponents brow. The man wiped the offending moisture, and the blood rushed back into his face as it contorted into rage. "VANDERWOOD! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Vanderwood stared forward, as if he hadn't heard a thing. The prime minister knew that he was trapped, so he resigned himself to listening to what Jumin had to say. 

"I'll make this quick, as I have a lot of meetings to attend to today. We have everything- every woman, every back alley deal, even every thing that you had for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the entirety of your life in politics. This information is spread across a wide enough area that if anything were to happen to me, it would get out regardless. But it's not so much MY skin I'm worried about. It's my friends'." At this, he pulled out a goofy selfie Saeyoung had taken with Saeran about a month before he left. His lopsided grin was an amusing contrast to Saeran's attempt at seriousness. The prime minister stared. "They're dead..." He mumbled, trying to make sense of his complacency in the last few decades of his life. 

"As you can see, they're alive. And I plan to keep them that way. You are going to shut down the agency you've been secretly funding, and you are never going to touch them. In fact, it would be in your best interest to protect them. If anything happens to them, regardless of whether or not you ARE involved, the information we've gathered WILL be released. Do you understand that?" He asked calmly, hands folded in front of him. The prime minister stared back, not wanting to give up just yet. "This is blackmail! Do you realize that I have microphones and cameras everywhere in this office?" Jumin smiled back patiently. "And who installed all of those?" Rage filled the prime minister's features again and he looked at Vanderwood, starting to realize the depth of his betrayal. 

"I don't have to agree to this..." He said, but felt his resolve weakening. Jumin leaned forward, his eyes taking the soulless look of a shark's as he answered, "Mr. Prime Minister, between your political influence and my money, which do you think would win?" He watched with pleasure as the large man's face gave a look of weary resignation and he conceded. "Good." Jumin smiled congenially, as if he hadn't just threatened to ruin this man's entire life. As he stood up to leave, he pushed the photo forward, "You know, you should've known them. They've grown into wonderful people." With that, he took his leave and Vanderwood followed behind.

The prime minister sat, dumbfounded and lost. He felt angry, but also a sense of relief at not having to worry so much about his secret. He clasped the picture roughly, intending to crumble it into a ball and toss it in the trash. But he stopped. He smoothed out the visages of the two sons he had only met briefly when they were babies. He traced the features, and busied himself with picking out which ones were his and which ones came from their mother. Then he gingerly placed it in a drawer and locked it. He felt oddly whole, like he had found a piece of himself that he didn't know he wanted. He felt sad, too, knowing that that piece would always be incomplete. He would never know them, and he could never talk to them. But he would be foolish and selfish, and wish deep down that they were happy, despite having such a shitty dad.

He called up the son from the family he had chosen instead, and talked to him until evening came.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter because it's the last one! Thank you so much to everyone that has given me sweet comments and liked this story! I've been thinking about it for awhile, so it means the world to me that so many people liked it! I wasn't sure exactly how many chapters this would have, so it ended kind of suddenly for me as well. But I didn't want to drag it out and I hope that I led it to a natural end. But once again, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone that enjoyed this story!!

Emma watched the puffs of air dance in the winter air in front of her. She was bundled in her winter boots and jacket, and both hands were warmed by her daughters' gloved hands holding them. Saeran locked the door behind them and joined the trio. Saeyoung watched from a safe distance. He watched a tiny redheaded girl sneeze and Saeran dipped down to wipe her nose. He watched his wife thank his brother, and felt like he was watching the life he left behind shatter and reform around him with a distorted image- a different him. Saeran looked older, more mature. Maybe it was being a dad that did that. Saeyoung wanted to scream, to fight, to punch the ever- living shit out of his twin for touching her and for leaving proof of it, but he just watched them from behind. When they were a safe distance away, he entered the home that he had dreamed of for all those years. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick message, but he couldn't stop the bitterness from seeping through.

Saeran guided his nieces through the throng of people to see the enormous Christmas tree. He smiled, watching their bright yellow eyes light up. He enjoyed seeing the wonder in their eyes- something he and Saeyoung never had a chance to experience. This was the RFA Christmas fundraiser and they were excited to be able to attend. It was held in a more accessible area this time- in the middle of the town Emma had chosen to start her life with the red headed hacker. He felt a vibration in his pocket and pulled his phone out. Almost showing Emma the name next to the message...until he read it. 

Saeyoung: I see you kept your promise. Congrats- I won't bother you guys.

He frantically replayed the last 20 minutes of that night and realized what a horrible misunderstanding was made. Emma was looking at him concerned. He made up a quick excuse that he forgot his wallet and ran as fast as he could, pushing people aside in a mad dash to make it back in time before his brother did something really stupid.

His lungs burned and his side was cramping painfully by the time he made it back. He busted through the front door to find that goddamn duffel bag filled with things. Saeyoung looked...thinner, and surprised. His curly hair had gone out of control and looked like it hadn't been cut the entire time he'd been "dead". Saeran kicked the bag and grabbed his brother's shoulders, but was surprised at the force of the punch he received in return. He looked at the blood pooling in his palm- it was the first time his usually overly loving and protective brother ever hit him, and it hurt like hell.

"Are you fucking stupid?!" Saeran said threateningly. Saeyoung just kept piling things into his bag as he answered, "You kept your promise. I hope you two are happy. I'm trying to get out of the way." He sounded more defeated than Saeran had ever heard him. He opened his mouth for a retort, but was stopped when Saeyoung continued, "I can't see her. If she's happy, that's enough. And I'm not going to throw a wrench into the family you guys created....I might have asked that you wait for my corpse to be cold before you started fucking, but hey, I guess I can't get everything my way." Saeran noticed a small envelope on the coffee table and grabbed it. 

"Before you go, you should take a picture with you. It's a picture of Emma with the girls and their dad." He said. Saeyoung looked at the envelope angrily, trying to piece together if Saeran was gloating or genuinely wanted him to have a picture of them. He decided it could be both. He grabbed the envelope and opened it- at least he could have a picture of Emma. Maybe he'd cut Saeran's picture out or something...but when he pulled it out, every snarky comment he had built up vanished and he just stared. 

"A picture with their dad?" He asked, quietly. "Yeah..." Saeran answered. He saw the tiny beads of tears clinging to his twin's eyes. One escaped and ran down his cheek as a cautious smile started to form. He always felt comforted by numbers, and kept telling himself that the approximate age of the girls would coincide with the last time he had been with Emma. The thing that hurt him the most when he saw them- their age- was now giving him strength and making him want to jump with joy. He whipped his head to Saeran excitedly, dropping the picture and giving him a hug. He mumbled a lot of garbled nonsense, but Saeran understood the gist of it- "I'm a dad. I'm really a dad." 

He pulled back suddenly, and apologized profusely for punching him. Saeran suddenly looked abashed and decided that he should clear his conscience now. "Well, I mean...I probably deserved it. I kept those promises I made...well...only once, not every night but you know..." He trailed off when he felt the hand that had been resting gently on his shoulder tighten up painfully. He looked at Saeyoung, who now had a deceptively sweet smile. "Oh, is that so? Then you deserved it." His grip tightened more until Saeran yelped. He finally let go, and Saeran was surprised to see him pretty much back to normal. Meanwhile, Saeyoung was carefully plotting how many times he would make love to Emma to fully purify her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emma always felt like the RFA parties had some big revelation or surprise that was going to happen. Truthfully, they'd been somewhat boring, but this Christmas fundraiser was special. She loved the general feeling Christmas gave off, and delight, joy and generosity of all the guests. Even Jumin and Zen seemed to be (kind of) getting along. Jumin had made it a point that Emma bring along the girls, though she wasn't sure why. She didn't mind, though, and enjoyed watching them play with the handful of other kids that were brought along. 

The night went by rather well, and the grand finale was the Santa Claus event. A big chair was heaved on stage by a panting Yoosung and Saeran finally returned, sweaty and disheveled. "Saeran, are you okay?" She asked, alarmed at his red face. Truthfully, Saeran was NOT okay. Saeyoung let him know Jumin's plan for the evening, but neglected to tell him that he was almost crippled and couldn't run. So he hoisted his brother onto his back and trotted 30 minutes to the venue to get him there in time. He was exhausted and fully hated everyone in the world at that moment. But he couldn't tell Emma that, so he just responded with a smile and "I'm perfectly fine." 

Emma wondered how old the Santa was when he limped into his seat. He also had a humorously large beard that covered most of his face. She realized that Jaehee got her red- headed Santa at long last, though. Kid after kid sat on Santa's lap. Jumin held the girls back, and promised them they could talk to Santa when all of the donors were gone. When the kids had all made their wishes and grateful parents were leaving to go home, the Santa sat patiently waiting for the last two kids. Emma walked forward, but hung back as Saeran led them forward and sat them both on the man's lap. 

Saeyoung peered down at them. He tried to imagine that they were someone else's kids, because if he felt the gravity of what he held in his lap, he would cry. He mustered up all of his strength and gave out a loud "HO HO HO!" and the girls giggled. He smiled. No matter what, they were his- looking in their eyes, he felt the joy of what he had created and how absolutely wonderful it was. "Well then, what are YOUR names?" He asked, still holding on to his persona. They told him with big smiles. They didn't see how big his own was when he heard them. "Well then, Elly and Lucy, what would you like for Christmas?" Elly went into a long list of things and Lucy followed. When they finished, though, they looked at eachother nervously. 

"Um...Mr. Han said that you can make any wish come true. So we don't really need any of those things..." Lucy started, Elly continued in perfect synchronization, "can you bring our daddy home? We'll give back all of our presents from last year, too!" Lucy nodded emphatically, "Yeah! Mama gave us money for our birthday this year, and we'll give that back too! Though it's only $10..." Saeyoung glanced over at the heir, who wore a smirk. Of course he told them to ask for that. He was worried about Emma, though, who looked crestfallen at the request. 

"That's true, so is that your wish?" His voice cracked a little and he saw the other members shifting uncomfortably at the idea a stranger would tell them their dead dad was coming home for Christmas. As Jaehee started towards the power grid to shut it down, he whipped off his hat and ridiculous beard. Jaehee, along with all of the other members (except Saeran and Jumin), gawked at the sight. "Wish granted." He smiled, and took took the girls a moment to realize who he was before they started hugging him tightly. When their hugs were done, he stood up, looking at Emma for the first time in almost 5 years. 

Emma felt numb. She was sure that this had to be a dream. But if it was, she promised herself she wasn't going to wake up. Her feet started moving. And before she knew it she was sprinting towards the stage, stumbling in her heels in an effort to urge her body forward faster. She ran up the stairs and didn't give Saeyoung a chance to say hi before she leaped onto him, causing him to fall backward onto the stage floor. She kissed every inch of skin she saw, and didn't care that her makeup was smudged from her tears that came without warning. She pushed her fingers through his hair, and laughed that she couldn't wait to cut it, but enjoying the feel of it regardless. 

When Emma had her fill and sat with her daughters, she watched as the other members welcomed him back, still shocked. Yoosung gave about as excited of a greeting as she did, hugging and crying (Emma was thankful he wasn't also kissing him). She felt like her cheeks were going to fall off, she was smiling so much. The cold Winter breeze told them it was time to wrap it up, and Emma, Saeyoung, Elly and Lucy all walked home as a family for the first time. That night, Elly and Lucy passed out almost as soon as they got home, and Emma and Saeyoung carried them and laid them down in their beds. They retreated to their own room, and couldn't wait to get the other one's clothes off. 

Emma unbottoned the comical Santa suit and ran her hands down the expanse of his chest. She still wondered if this was even real. When her fingers stopped over his heart, and she felt it's fathful beating, she knew it was. He stood in front of her, naked, and she traced the scars on his leg, frowning. "Is this why you're limping?" She asked. He nodded, running his fingers through her soft brown hair as he answered, "I wouldn't have cared if I lost the whole damn leg, if I could make it back to you." She looked up at him, those same doe eyes he had fallen in with, and he knelt down and kissed her. It was soft at first, but quickly grew deeper and more needy. 

Her clothes were soon scattered on the floor, and he traced her silky skin with his rough and calloused fingers. They quietly made love, he tried with all his might to show her how much he missed her- to give her all of the love she had missed out on because of him. Like riding a bike, he remembered every button to push and lever to flick on her. She was the greatest puzzle he had ever solved. When they were satiated (for the night, at least), he finally felt at peace laying on his side of the bed. She was warm in so many ways, and he never wanted to let her go again. 

The next day, he woke up to the smell of bacon. He groggily stumbled to the kitchen and saw Elly and Lucy sitting down, with Emma finishing up breakfast and arranging it in front of them. He smiled and took a seat, as did Emma. Elly started talking after she had finished her eggs. "Mama said you were working, what were you doing, Daddy?" She asked curiously. He smiled sheepishly, "Ahhh, yeah. Sorry about that. It's a really long story so I'll have to tell you when you're older. You must be upset with me for being gone so long, huh?" The twins peered at him confused. This time, Lucy spoke up, "Why? You're back now. Welcome home, Daddy!" She smiled a big grin. He looked down quickly, but couldn't stop the tears that were now seasoning his breakfast. He held a hand up to try to catch them as he answered.

"Yeah, I'm home." 

 


End file.
